| Quote | Author | Rating | | | |
| "Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours." |
Yogi Berra
| 5 |
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| "From seeds of his body blossomed the flower that liberated a people and touched the soul of a nation." (Funeral oration for Martin Luther King, Sr.)" |
Jesse Louis Jackson
| 5 |
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| "FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears." |
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
| 5 |
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| "He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, 'Dust to dust,' some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, 'I'll be waiting for you in heaven---with a gun.'" |
Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
| 5 |
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| "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." |
Mark Twain
| 5 |
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| "If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people" |
Bobby Slayton
| 5 |
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| "If you never have, you should. These things are fun, and fun is good" |
Dr. Seuss
| 5 |
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| "It's a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get" |
Arnold Palmer
| 5 |
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| "It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean." |
Mae West
| 5 |
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| "Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh." |
George Bernard Shaw
| 5 |
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